the last year: a somewhat brief summary.

In the past 12 months, I:

-have given up trying to act like I have it all together.
-have battled with the concept of grace.
-have written more papers about the NASW (National Association of Social Workers) Code of Ethics than I can count.
-have lost "friends" and discovered who my real friends are.
-have struggled with how Christians treat other Christians.
-have logged about 50 hours (at least) in the library on campus working on group work.
-have moved.
-have gotten divorced.

That last bullet point has affected all of the others, some more directly than others. Obviously the points about school were not as directly related or closely tied to the others, but getting divorced has made a big impact on my life in the past 12 months.

I do not intend on getting into the gory details and reasons that led to my divorce, because everyone who needs to know what happened (which is a very small group) knows. I guess the reason I am writing this is to say that I have struggled with questions like is it better to be in an unhealthy relationship or alone, will God still love me if I get divorced, will God punish me for this and if He does, how will he?

At the beginning of September, I got a tattoo, as I mentioned in my first blog, that says "...if His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking" above a line of music and beneath the line of music is Zephaniah 3:17. I finally came to a place where I realized that God loves us and is gracious with us despite our sins or what those sins may be. He isn't keeping tabs of what Rachel did wrong verses what so-and-so did wrong, He's wanting us to repent and come back to Him. My pastor says that sometimes we think of God as a cosmic cop who is waiting to strike us down if we make one wrong move. My default setting seems to be thinking in those terms, that I will get zapped if I sin. I'm trying to come to a place where I see God as my heavenly Dad, who will correct us not zap us and who will rejoice over us with gladness, quiet us with His love and delight over us with shouts of joy. I am hopeful that that is a part of what this blog ends up being. An account of what God has taught me and brought me through.

So, I know there is one question that everyone is dying to know- what line of music is on your tattoo. Contrary to what you may think, it is not the music that goes with that line of "How He Loves" by David Crowder Band (and several other bands and versions that I dont' have time to mention) Ok, ok, I'll tell you! It's from the chorus of a Switchfoot song. Here are the lyrics that correspond with the music:

"Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough"

I really want to be at a place in my life where that is enough. I am closer to that place today than I was a year ago. I'm not sprinting towards the goal like I would like to be, but I am getting there.